Life Worries: 15 Tips to Ease Comparison and Pressure

You cannot judge a life's success or failure solely by marriage timing, money, or the number of friends someone has. You do not have to treat a different pace from others or a single failure as a verdict on your whole life. These 15 pieces of advice can help you review the standards you use for your own life.

Check with the original poster for the date of “15 Things I Found Were Really No Big Deal in Life,” the source of these 15 points.

Standards for Judging Marriage and Your Pace in Life

Distinguish between the sequence others have set and your own readiness. You have no obligation to fit marriage or a new beginning into the same timetable as everyone else. Still, you need to examine the conditions required for the choices you want to make.

• 1. Do not label your life a failure simply because you are marrying later. You can first consider whether you want to get married. If you do, distinguish between other people's timelines and your own readiness.
• 1. You do not have to assume your direction is wrong just because you are slower than others. First, check what goal you are working toward. Speed and direction are different standards of judgment.
• 1. Do not immediately interpret taking a break as falling behind. You can identify which tasks can wait while you rest. Commitments you have already made need to be adjusted separately.
• 1. You do not have to give up on something you want to do based on age alone. First, check the actual requirements for taking part in the activity you want to pursue. You should distinguish between vague assumptions about age and specific eligibility requirements.

Standards for Thinking About Money and Failure

You do not have to turn current difficulties into a judgment on your whole life. A lack of money and failure are issues to examine separately. Try focusing on problems you can address now rather than on judgments about yourself.

• 1. Being short of money now does not define your entire future. That does not make your immediate living expenses disappear, either. Try separating your worth from your current circumstances.
• 1. Even if you have failed several times, you can consider another attempt. Starting again does not mean repeating the same approach. Look for what you can change from your previous attempts.
• 1. Do not treat a single failure as an assessment of all your abilities. You can distinguish between the task that failed and areas that have not yet been assessed. Still, the consequences of the failure are a separate matter to address.

Starting again does not guarantee success. Decide whether to continue, change your approach, or stop based on the situation. Stopping is also an option you can consider.

Standards for Handling Friendships and Others' Opinions

You do not have to aim for both numerous relationships and everyone's approval. Start by considering which relationships you want to maintain. You can distinguish between how close you are to someone and treating them with respect.

• 1. Do not judge your relationships as inadequate based only on how many friends you have. You can consider whether a small number of relationships gives you the interaction you want. If you feel lonely, there is no reason to deny that need, either.
• 1. Do not try to control everything others think about you. You can distinguish between opinions you have actually heard and judgments you have imagined. Specific feedback is something to consider where relevant.
• 1. Try letting go of the expectation that everyone must think well of you. Turning down someone's request is different from disregarding them. You can set limits on what you are willing to accept.
• 1. You have no obligation to become personally close to someone you dislike. If you have work to do together, decide how much communication is needed. Professional cooperation and personal closeness are different kinds of relationships.
• 1. Growing apart does not, by itself, establish who was at fault. Examine changes in contact separately from actual conflict. You do not have to assume that an unconfirmed reason is your fault.

Standards for Comparison and Choice

Consider separately a life that looks good to others and the life you want. Other people's choices can serve as examples to consider. They do not imply an obligation to make the same choices.

• 1. Even when you compare yourself with others, do not use their results as your own report card. You can consider whether the comparison offers any concrete information. Standards unrelated to your own goals are ones you can set aside.
• 1. Do not assume that a life others envy matches your own preferences. You can consider what daily life would actually be like. An image that earns approval and the life you want are separate matters to assess.
• 1. Include your own preferences among the criteria for your life decisions. You do not have to make a choice simply because it is easy to explain to others. Still, you must also consider its consequences and commitments you have already made.

Summary by Situation: Separating Thoughts from Practical Problems

Distinguish between judgments you can ease up on and matters that require action. The table below summarizes where the 15 pieces of advice apply. Even in the same situation, you may need both to change your thinking and to address a problem.

Common Mistakes: Reading Reassurance as a Guarantee of Results

Do not read this advice as a promise that no choice will cause problems. The purpose of the list is to encourage reflection on the standards used to judge life. These words do not remove practical constraints or other people's rights.

• Do not take “no big deal” to mean there will be no losses. Choices about marriage, money, and work each come with their own conditions. No results are guaranteed here.
• Do not ignore all feedback simply because you are paying less attention to others' judgments. You can consider specific criticism of your behavior. General approval and feedback that gives you a reason to make changes should be distinguished.
• Do not interpret adjusting the distance in a relationship as cutting off every relationship. You can also choose to change how often you contact someone or the kinds of meetings you have. Set the distance you need according to your own situation.
• Do not use this advice as another standard for blaming yourself for feeling anxious. Agreeing with the advice does not mean your emotions must change immediately. You can start by considering the points you can accept.

The Scope of the Advice and Evidence

This list does not present research findings that verify the author's experiences and demonstrate effectiveness. The original text's author and date have not been confirmed. It is therefore best read as a piece suggesting standards for making judgments about life.

WHO released a stress management guide on April 29, 2020. The WHO guide introduces practical coping skills. WHO supplementary materials based on the guide suggest actions aligned with your values.

These reference documents support the explanations about stress and values. They do not substantiate the 15 pieces of advice about marriage timing or the number of friends you have. You can refer to them when considering choices that fit your own standards.